You Want ME to do WHAT?!

It’s a been a recurring statement I have made recently, “You want me to do WHAT?” I’ve even said it out loud any number of times. I’ve been actively channeling messages about my Soul’s Purpose for months now, and what I was receiving in August 2024 compared to April 2025, and the changes into May 2025 are a lot.

Not just claiming that I am a witch publicly, not claiming that I am a Priestess, but now that I am the Goddess of the New Earth, here to weave my stories with others. All woven with the soundtrack to the Summer of 1999. The band Creed, which is my all time favorite band, reunited in 2024 on music festival cruise called Summer of ‘99. It was the summer my heart broke, it was so many of the bands that were the soundtrack to my heart break for years, all in one place.

Now, my Spiritual Journey of the past five years, has turned in to far more. Not just a weight loss journey that turned me into a Priestess when I found self-love. Just since I started this website, my Soul’s Purpose has intensified as I just realized I have been experiencing a Spiritual Awakening on a Quantum level.

I have an incredible group of friends, trusted advisors and community. However, I am not their priority. They all have lives; partners, jobs, creative pursuits, family, and focus outside of what I am doing at any time. I have been experiencing physical symptoms for months, which I didn’t recognize as such, because a spiritual awakening was NOT part of what I anticipated on this journey. I actually had to search YouTube for videos about Spiritual Awakenings because I thought it was the kind of thing that individuals sought, not that it just happens. I opened myself up to it. I opened myself to whatever it takes for me to fulfil my soul’s purpose. However, I didn’t realize my souls true purpose until very recently, and it came as my spiritual awakening was in full cracking open phase.

As I have been on a spiritual journey for five years, most of which I have documented in journals, I have heard several terms and reference to deeper spiritual journeys, but I didn’t believe it was for me. I was here for the lI’ove and light, for healing my personal traumas and forgiving myself for the life I have lived for now 56 years. I learned shadow work, I learned to meditate, I learned to work with crystals, I learned where the crystals come from and the energy fields they influence, I learned how to work with magical tools, I learned to breathe, I learned to use sound healing tools, I learned how to create spells and rituals, I learned how to manifest and it is all coming together now.

I thought I understood what “energy” I was learning about. I thought I understood what I was resonating with, and what was not for me. However, I have been experiencing gifts that I didn’t ask for, at least consciously. So, it is my soul’s purpose to share what I have been learning, not because what I learned is for everyone, but my stories are experiences to empower and inspire. The thing is, my current experiences, a lot of recent experiences are far beyond the “normal” experience most of my people are familiar with, and speaking my truth has felt very vulnerable. With very good reason, most of my people have moved out of the space where we are in alignment. I don’t have the support of people that I counted on for a very long time, until I started acting in ways that were not the me so many were familiar with.

I kept most of my Spiritual Journey quiet and personal. It was about me, although I was excited to share the things I was learning, so I didn’t involve others. My truth doesn’t need to be any one else’s only mine. It’s just that I’ve become my most authentic self, and she doesn’t align with the programming so many of my people have been living, and I’m done living with other’s beliefs about who I am. I had to be OK with standing alone on this journey, because it’s not for everyone, and well beyond what I thought it was going to be.

So, I had been fine tuning my social media profiles to control the inflow of information which is not in alignment with me. The good news there, is that I have been witnessing other women, mostly, that are going through very similar experiences which helps me not feel so alone. But, cracking open is a term I’ve been hearing, and I had NO IDEA what that was going to feel like. Or shedding my skin. Or remembering so much of my 56 years that it’s been almost a constant downloading of memories lately, some leave questions - so I ask people. The answers I get tell me what I need to know, or bring up more questions. I’ve also been telling my people about things I believe will happen, with the information I received that made me believe what I was saying. But, those things were WAY out there, unbelievable and unprovable other than the pieces of information I’ve channeled or memories I’ve been recalling.

Now, so much I’ve revealed to people privately, is coming into alignment. Under incredibly unbelievable and seemingly impossible circumstances. But, I’ve been holding back still, because I’ve been afraid of what will unfold as I become more transparent and tell more secrets. What I need to keep reminding myself is that is my soul’s purpose, and what I agreed to, and the reward is not just for me, but for the world. Healing. So, I need to keep getting out of my own way, no one else’s opinion of what I am doing or believing is my truth. I am over trying to convince anyone else, or trying to bring anyone else along on this journey with me. I attract, I don’t chase. Either my people see how empowered and strong I have gotten, or they don’t. Not my problem anymore, I have much more important things to do than convince anyone or prove anything to anyone else.

In fact, the people that are close in my circle, are just there most of the time. My circle is getting smaller, but it is getting stronger, and I’m becoming more grateful everyday for the way my life is transforming into something beyond my wildest dreams, and I’m worth it. I’ve been put on this earth because I have made connections with such a diverse group of people, I have made people feel seen, heard or otherwise understood, they remember me and how I made them feel. That is why it’s my purpose. My 56 years I have not been living a traditional life, although it seemed fairly “normal” until recently. Recently, I remembered or realized that my parenting came from outside my birth parents, when each of my parents separately let me know my worth to them, and it was not in alignment with who I am. It was not in alignment with how parents demonstrate love and support to their children, unconditionally. When I stood up for what I believe and need, neither of them apologized or tried to make amends. OK, I’m out, I am no longer spending more energy on those connections. I am not mean, I am not unkind, I am not without compassion, I am just unwilling to give more than I receive any more.

I’ve been smiling my way through life, trying to love everyone and trying to support everyone else. Now, that I need love and support, those very people aren’t there anymore. I am NOT smiling full time, I am going through some SHIT all simultaneously, and Kristin I’m not as fun when I am bawling my eyes out and snot is pouring out of my face because of what I have been channeling, but also in gratitude for what is being revealed to me. My body has been vibrating, and it has been difficult to explain to most people, and it has been difficult to speak my truth about it. I have never been good at asking for help, it felt like a weakness. Now, I don’t know who to ask for what, because I don’t know what I need most of the time. I have very magical people in my inner circle, but they aren’t on call 24/7 for me to get guidance or help from.

So, it’s up to me to trust my intuition and move forward in the direction of the new life I have claimed. But, that life is very different than the life I have been living, and frankly, after all I have remembered and learned - I deserve exactly the life that I have designed for myself. I have the support of my angels, spirit guides, and ancestors to see me through when I am feeling stuck. Pathways are clearing which felt stacked high with other people’s stuff, because I am also going through a divorce and selling a home simultaneously. I need spiritual assistance, and real world assistance, and sometimes they compete. It’s up to me, and no one else to decide how that goes. My resources have been appearing just as I need them, people and opportunities.

Me with Fuel band members; Tommy Nat (bassist and vocals) & Aaron Scott (lead vocalist) Summer of ‘99 and Beyond Cruise April 2025

Add a twin flame journey, which I didn’t even understand until just a short time ago, intertwined with my soul’s purpose - because our story together weaves 25 years of separation and experience, with continual connection in our dreams, only popping up in the real world periodically and most recently had been five years. Then, it was 9 months ago, when we did our first status update in 5 years via LinkedIn - the most ridiculous place for him to have contacted me from. For me, that catapulted me into more remembering about that relationship, but from what I thought was a realistic look at our current situations, along with our history a long time ago. The more I tried to resist that idea of us being together again, because it was a long time ago, and we hadn’t even talked about how we felt about each other for 25 years. Only, that there is still a connection, and there has been this whole time, for both of us, but both of us were too afraid to admit it because of other complications.

Then, I woke up a little over two weeks ago with an urgent feeling I had to go find him, six hours away, and I did. Without a phone number, without a warning, without a social media message because we are not connected anywhere anymore. We drove up the same street, at the same time 12:12pm to be exact, and I knew it was him across a long industrial block. I knew it was him, although he was driving a truck identical to dozens of others already in a secure parking lot right next to said street. I FELT HIM. That alone, is magic. But, most people in my life don’t even remember Ryan, and I didn’t even dare mention his name until recently because there was still an ache.

Ryan and me - May 14th, 2025. We hadn’t seen each other for 25ish years! Yes, my grin is as big as it was having my picture taken with Rockstars. Bigger?

The signs are just impossible to ignore anymore, so I am just walking forward in my truth. People will align with it, or not. I am fully committed to this path, because what is unfolding, while it got increasingly difficult, is beyond my wildest dreams. I already decided a while ago that I would be bringing my people along with me that have been especially supportive, but sometimes it feels like the opposite is happening - that they are bringing me along. They are already living their wildest dreams, but on the outside it looks different than what one might expect. Not extravagant or showy, just them doing what feels right for them in the ways they want to do it. I’ve got how I want my new life to FEEL, and I am open to how that unfolds, with some exception, but what is important to me is where I call home and who I have around my table, and I am ready.